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By matching different tasks with people of different skills and by allowing people to develop their skills in different directions, we as a society can meet our needs more effectively. By encouraging people to develop different perspectives and ways of thinking, we increase the intellectual tools at our disposal when we face new and different challenges.

Variety, as the spice of life, has an intrinsic value, as well. We enjoy the original, the unexplored, the rare.

It's A Good Life: Jerome Bixby

We enjoy breaks from our routines. We enjoy our human capacity for broadening our own experience by sharing experiences with others. This is not to say we accept all versions of the good life. If we return to Aristotle's archery metaphor, a disjunctive account would fall between one that sets up a single target at which everyone should aim and one that says anything goes. We can insist on numerous options while also insisting that important concerns limit what options are appropriate. The challenge of fleshing out such an account is to figure out how to evaluate different lives.

What features of our lives are we proudest of, and what features of the lives of others do we most admire? What features contribute to fulfillment but could be improved?

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And what features are genuine obstacles to our flourishing? Tolerance can help us answer those questions.

Yong Jun Hyung's Good Life #4 & Epilogue (Eng Sub)

Often, we think of tolerance simply as a way of protecting others from our mistreatment, but there is more to it than that. Tolerance is also an important virtue because it is better for us.

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One way of thinking about virtues, following a suggestion by philosopher Philippa Foot, is that they are corrective: They come into play when "there is some temptation to be resisted or deficiency of motivation to be made good. The tendency that tolerance helps us correct is the temptation to become overly embedded in our own ways of life.

Of course, we are all products of our own particular culture. The existence of culture is one of the ways humans survive: We pass along the wisdom we accumulate through experience from generation to generation.

But if we assume that our cultural practices define the only acceptable human option, we can more easily justify the mistreatment of others. Further, we cut ourselves off from the possibility of learning from those others. Tolerance involves viewing others charitably—that is, giving them the benefit of the doubt.

The Keys to a Good Life, with Ryan Holiday and Tom Bilyeu

A tolerant person goes into his or her encounters assuming that others are trying to figure out what it means to live well and that they have some insights to offer. In this way, tolerance keeps us open to the possibility of adding options to our account of living well. We may believe, and rightfully so, that our way of life is a good one, but open-minded encounters with others may convince us that other ways of living are just as appropriate. Also, charity keeps us open to our own errors.

Viewed with tolerance, the lives of others can provide not only alternative examples, but also better examples. They can provide challenges to assumptions we didn't even know we were making. Arguing for this principle of charity does not imply that any way of life must be embraced without criticism.


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Charity may not move us very far toward acceptance when we are considering Joseph Stalin or Simon Legree. But even in cases in which we maintain our disagreement with the life in question, trying to understand the perspective of someone living that life can be valuable. First, the more fine-grained our understanding, the more trenchant our criticism can be. Second, criticism is more likely to be taken seriously by those we are criticizing if it springs from a deeper understanding of them.

Finally, trying to understand why someone engages in practices we consider to be wrong can help us figure out the real human temptations that lead to these practices. Viewing these people as inhuman monsters might make it too easy to dismiss the temptations involved as not applying to us, making it easier for us to fall into similar errors.

This was probably because they were too deeply buried and I unwilling and afraid to face them. A man named Godfrey Minot Camille, on the other hand, went into the Grant Study with fairly bleak prospects for life satisfaction: He had the lowest rating for future stability of all the subjects and he had previously attempted suicide. He had grown up in a terrible environment, eating meals alone until the age of 6, and the pain and desolation haunted him for years.

But at 35, he had what he called a spiritual awakening, became a psychiatrist, and turned his pain into a tool for serving others. At the end of his life, he was one of the happiest men in the study. The primary lesson is to think long-term and make decisions with that perspective in mind.

What will matter in 5, 10 years? When you are making decisions based on short-term criteria, then the tides of life can change quickly. Developing your ability to think long-term, to connect your daily choices with an overarching purpose and vision, is the key. When you actively think about what success looks like in your life with a long-term perspective, you are more likely to be successful over the long haul. Emotional intelligence makes all the difference, whatever you want to call it.

To be successful over the course of an entire life, one will inevitably deal with setbacks, struggles and pain. In an interview with The Atlantic , Vaillant described these defenses as akin to basic biological processes. When we cut ourselves, our blood clots. But just like clotting can save us from bleeding to death or clog an artery and kill us with a heart attack — the defenses we employ can save us or ruin us. They play out throughout our lives, in moments big and small, and the strength and health of our emotional adaptations is a big part of what makes a good life.


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  • Vaillant came up with a list of the healthiest adaptations, which he considered the pillars of a long and happy life — and it is not a stretch to say they almost perfectly aligned with the emotional intelligence skills in the Six Seconds Model of EQ. Suppression — A conscious decision to postpone an impulse or decision, which is applying consequential thinking and to an extent , recognizing patterns.

    Humor — Acquired through self-awareness. In middle age, the men were four times a likely to use mature coping mechanisms as immature ones. Between 50 and 75, altruism and humor grew more prevalent. Overall, the Grant Study highlights 3 different aspects of emotional intelligence that has been backed up by other research:. Emotional Intelligence is highly correlated with personal and professional success.

    The skills of emotional intelligence are learnable. Emotional Intelligence tends to increase with age, though the correlation is slight. The data on this point is particularly amazing. Six Seconds is a nonprofit dedicated to supporting people to make positive changes in their lives through the practice of emotional intelligence. With offices and representatives in 25 countries and members in countries, our community extends the globe.

    Relationships, relationships, relationships. Close relationships, the data indicates, are what keep people happy throughout their lives.

    2. Don’t just jump on the trends

    The study found strong relationships to be far and away the strongest predictor of life satisfaction, and better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, wealth, fame, IQ, or even genes. That finding proved true across the board among both the Harvard men and the inner-city participants. And strong relationships are not only correlated with happiness, but with physical health, longevity, and financial success, too.

    Strong relationships help to delay mental and physical decline. Taking care of your body is important, but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care too. Do we need to figure out how to do things a little faster? He had crammed to learn the drums just poorly enough to play along with the band Foreigner. It all completely sucked. I was embarrassed for everyone, even the amazing Stewart Copeland who helped train Tim to suck in front of an audience. There has to be some nut out there trying to hack brain surgery.

    Maybe a few of them have been properly trained to coach. But what are they really selling? The myth of the shortcut?


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    • Being you is free. AND… working with a real coach can help you unlock, and receive that Divine Gift on a more consistent basis. A few years back I had the pleasure of interviewing Jonathan for the final video series, before it evolved into the podcast we know and love.

      Ways to cut butter into flour:

      Yesterday, Jonathan shared the story behind the new music for the show, which I played on the guitar he built by hand last year. Those guitar lines are what I call circular grooves. They percolate within themselves, and cycle through like little meditations. So, why should building my business be any different?